Sunday, April 24, 2011

Sajjanre Jhoot Math Bolo...

"Don't wait for things to happen.. make them happen"
Swats believed in the quote and she wanted to bring love into the life of her good friend Pradhyumn or Prads. She was trying her best though providence didn't seem to support her.The girl she had in her mind was her senior Spandana. Their first meeting was disastrous (Read here). But Swats was not to be dejected by such incidents . So she whisked away Prads once again and this time to spandana's home to meet her family.

Prads opened the heavy gates to her home and kept his left foot first. And then a frantic young man came running out of the house and fled past them, all the time yelling like a madman, "I thought I was going to see a angel. But there is a devil inside which feeds on human parts.." Swats felt a little odd and sensed that it was very bad timing. Looking at the young man who was happy to see the open gates, Prads crooned humorously (from the eagles hotel california) pointing at the house, "You can check out any time you want, but you can never leave..."

It definitely was not a Ghost House as they found worried parents on the Sofa and a full-bindas girl who has come of marriagble age, Spandana, in front of the computer. Prads who was neither young nor old was able to read the plight of the parents, "Another proposal rejected by your girl?" Before they could answer, Angry voice of Spandana filled the entire house, "I didn't reject him.... You will never believe as to what happened here before you guys moved in... " and she narrated the story

"When I was told that a boy called Sajjan was coming to see me, I was confused. As a young girl, I also dreamed of love and marriage. But I also dream of being independent and being self sufficient. So I turned to the net for help. And exactly on the strike of twelve, a fairy god mother appeared....on my google chat window and after hearing my story handed me the first edition of Pinocchio and like our family priest, advised me, 'Light a lamp in front of this book and read this story 12 times before next day morning and see the results' I didn't question her and did as I was instructed to do...

Next day, the bridegroom appeared and he failed to sweep me off my feet. I kept my mouth shut and eyes fixed on the clock hoping to see his back at the earliest. But my good parents vacated the room allowing us much unwanted privacy to speak our hearts out. And it seemed, whenever he opened his mouth, he said only things in his praise and that too, lies, 'I did my Ph.d In Economics from Win-Cheaters University and now working for the logistics department for a health-care facility in States. Though I am working abroad for a long time, I have not picked up any bad habits like smoking and drinking.' Suddenly Sajjan's nose began to shrink. And I began to laugh out aloud realizing that fairy god mother was working her spell. The spell was a newer version and with some modification - whenever the guy lies, his nose would shrink rather than grow.

Seeing me smile, the modern day Pinocchio started making confessions,'Hmm... I do smoke but not more than 2 smokes a day... I do drink but only when there is a occasion to do so..." The nose shrank further and that had me in complete splits. Cupid struck the boy as he admitted, "You have a beautiful smile. I loved those dimples. I have never seen a girl with such a beautiful smile..." And I laughed more not for his silly romantic lines but for his fast shrinking nose. I wanted to see them disappear

So I put forward my feelings, "I am not expecting a perfect boy with no vices whatsoever. All I want from my boy is not take the name of his old girlfriends in front of me and to be at home before the sun sets and be faithful to me..." And the boy dropped to his knees and proclaimed and it looked to be taken directly from his curriculum vitae, 'If I get appointed as your husband, I promise to serve you with utmost faith and love and so on... ' and I went 'Wow' as I saw his nose nearing to its extinction from his face.

I had to reject the proposal and did it in a cool manner,"Don't take me wrong. But I feel you are desperate and isliye lying all the way. I want someone who is more truthful and one who speaks his hearts out without being afraid....I hope you are not hurt' Sajjan was really hurt yet lied, 'No! Its okay. Your life and your choice.'...."
And before Spandana could complete the story, Prads interrupted with a stern voice, "And his nose completely disappeared. He realized this as he went to the washroom to wash his REAL tears. The frightened guy just let out shrieks and ran out of the house...Rite???"

Spandana was dipped in the pleasure she was deriving from the story, "Yups! Exactly!"
Spandana's mother had prepared a cake for the occasion and Spandana wanted to celebrate and she started with the outer cream. That's when Prads bluntly said, "Do you think I would digest this stupid story of yours? Why it couldn't be that you got tired of his lies and just landed a punch on his face?"
Spandanda looked at him with the cream filled hand which stopped midway to her mouth, "No! I didn't do anything like that...."
Prads laughed and said, "Look! your nose has already started shrinking"
Spandanda placed her cream filled hands on her nose and she looked no different than a buffoon from the local circus.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Is this called 'Falling in Love' ?

Swasthee or Swats had promised her friend Spandana that she would come down to pick her up. So even if it was eight o clock she was there at the station. Very courageous. Any girl would be when she has a elderly friend like Pradhyumna or Prads besides her. And when the train finally arrived, Swats had a wise comment to be made which was definitely picked from somewhere,"Now I know what does IST mean... Indian Stretchable Time..." As soon as the train arrived, Prads was made the coolie and the luggage got shifted from the train to the bus. They still had some sixty kilometers to covered by the bus.

Spandana looked still energetic and instead of taking a little nap, she took up another book and started reading it.Definitely the book was not some paper back novel.Rather it had such heavy words like finance and commerce that made Swats jaw drop and eyes feel sleepy. She turned towards Prads and saw him selecting some songs on his music player.

Girls sometimes get strange ideas and what is even strange is that the Lord Almighty says yes to it. Looking once at Prads and then at Spandana, Swats started dreaming of prads falling in love with Spandana.And like the witch in the old siticom bewitched, she twitched her nose. And it seemed to work though not as Swats would have liked it. Prads felt that music could be better enjoyed with lights switched off and asked the driver of the bus to do ao.

When the lights got switched, Spandana's moods also got switched. Now anger was written all over her face as she shouted at the conductor, "Abhe Andhe! Can't you see... I am reading...#@^*&%~ "
Prads was amazed by the language of Spandana. Swats looked at Prads' dumb-stuck face and expressed to herself, "Don't tell me that he is falling for her selection of abusive words"

Prads was a gentleman and said very gently "Madam! It is not at all healthy to read in a moving bus... and besides tat, I thought you must be really tired from the train journey... You should take some rest"
But Spandana was not the type who liked being told what was wrong and what was right, "Even in computers, I don't ever click the help button..."
Swats immediately gave a angelic smile and thought, "Dialogue maar rahi hain... is she trying to impress my handsome friend"
Spandana continued, "I know what's best for me... Keep your advice in your own pockets...Mind it, Idiot!!!!"

Prads who didn't raise his voice till now lost his cool, "Gosh! Why am I unnecessarily getting into a brawl with you, egoistic girl! Read a novel or do whatever you wish... I don't mind at all!!! Burn in hell!!!"
Swats was disappointed, "In the first rendezvous itself, they are cursing each other. Even those MLAs in the parliament are slightly better. How will love bloom in such a atmosphere. Oh God! I thought you said yes to my wish.."

Then she heard a voice in her mind.She was not sure it was her atma-sakshi(inner conscience) or the almighty himself answering her. But She felt it was God's voice because she heard a male voice answer her, "Haven't u seen those romantic bollywood movie.When somebody hates someone they think more of them... more than they would have had they loved them. And in the first rendezvous there should always be a war of words. Now they go home and yearn to see each other so that they can curse once again and would be waiting for the next time...This yearning would make them definitely come together once again and then see for yourself what would happen!!!"

Swats didn't like the waiting game but she couldn't do anything, "Damn You! God! You leave me with no choice."

Saturday, April 2, 2011

She deserves better

Pradhyumna's parents were at Karthika's place discussing as to how the marriage proposal was to be finalized. Swasthee, being Prad's good friend should have been present there. But she was at the local beach with Prad's best buddy Surendra.

Surendra felt betrayed by his best friend Pradhyumna. He found Pradhyumna guilty of stealing his girl Ksrthika. Swasthee thought surendra may be suffering from a severe heartache and may need some consolation.

But Surendra was a strong person and said with a angelic face, "She got what she deserves..."
Swats still pricked him, "But don't tell me you are not mad at your best buddy"
Surendra said. "I think she deserved some one better than ma and Prads is the best choice..."
Swats was surprised by the words. At the same time she felt sad that her task was cut short.She loved the task of consoling muscular men who wept buckets in front of her.

Surendra carried forward the conversation, "A panchathantra story helped me to come out of this." Swats may have been transformed from a playful child to a beautiful girl a long time back but she was still a child in her heart and wanted to listen to the story. Surendra sat down for his story telling session,"There was a sage living near the banks of a river. Once he found a small rat and took some special care of it. The care turned into liking and he got the rat converted into a cute baby girl. The sage brought it up like his own child and gave it all the love and education. Soon, it turned to a beautiful girl and it was the time for its marriage. That's when sage decided that she had to get the best"

Swats was enjoying this story where the girl was the center of the attention, "Girls should be given all the attention. Did the sage arrange a swayamvara for her?"
Surendra shook his head, "More than that! The sage decided that the strongest one in the world should get the hands of his adopted girl. So he asked Adithya to make his presence felt there"
Swats good a bit confused, "Adithya chopra? maker of dilwala dulhaniya le jayenge... how is he powerful? He only makes young girls weak by making them dream a lot."
Surendra continued, "Adithya, the maker of days and nights. The largest of the stars, the sun himself. But the rat-girl refused vehemently saying 'he is too hot to handle'...."
Swats smiled, "She's right. Being hot is the quality of a girl not of a boy... she very well knew that..."

Surendra continued, "Adithya, the sun god thanked his stars and advised the sage on the powerful one he knew, 'It is the Megh-Raj, (Lord of clouds) who is the strongest... before him I am nothing... when he shows up on the horizon that too in his darkest form, he makes me go into hiding like Bush did to Osama..."
So Megh-Raj was summoned immediately. Megh-Raj came down and the rat girl's face showed her dislike, "He is too dark, Daddy!"
Swats broke into a song, "hum kaale hain tho kya hua... dil waala hain... Megh-Raj must have said something like that na..."
Surendra smiled a bit, "No! He is not a nautanki like you. Rather he was happy on the proposal getting quashed and advised the sage, "Dear learned one. I am not the strongest. When the winds come,I am nowhere to be seen... "

Surendra allowed the cool breeze to brush through his hairs before continuing the story, "But the girl refused the wind lord too saying, 'He is too chanchal...He doesn't stay at one place... how can I make him dance to my tune all the time... NO!... papa... No!. The wind lord looked at the girl and suggested the bride's father, "I think you have misjudged me. There is someone stronger than me. That is Parbath Singh (The Mountain Prince).When a mountain shows up on my path, I just bow down to him. Only poets say 'hum chatton ko heela saktha hain' I definitely cant."
Swats didn't disturb the flow of the story and was eagerly waiting to know the var the rat-girl had selected.
Surendra started the parbhat singh's tale, "Parbhat singh came on to the stage. The rat girl instantly took a dislike to him,"Father, look at him! His belly is showing up.If this is the state now, just think what would happen ten years from now. How can I go to parties with him without getting embarrased."

Swats found the girl a bit too choosy, "If she goes on rejecting offers like this, she may end up being a kuvari..."
Surendra was nearing the end of the story, "Parbhat singh was sad, but he decided to help the old sage and dispensed his advice, "She is right...I am big and fat and i am also not the strongest. I should be humble enough to accept this. A creature which is much much smaller than me makes me cry a lot.He makes thousand holes inside me and digs mud out of me... in a way he is taking the life out of me". The sage without even thinking spoke, "Who is that guy?" and sprinkling some water onto the air, he made the creature appear in front of him. And there was no bounds for girls joys as the creature appeared before her. The girl liked him immediately and instantly choose him as her husband, "Small, Short and simple. Nice eyes.. Nice teeth.. I love him" It was a male rat!!! The sage learned his lesson and with a sigh declared, "Whatever one does, one can't change the destiny. He will get only what he deserves. You deserve a rat and you got it."

Swats was not at all happy on hearing the climax of the story and she chased Surendra all aroung the place cursing him and shouting out loud, "How dare you address my good friend prads as a rat?"
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Edhey Thumbi Haaduvenu by CA Suresh Kumar is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.
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