Saturday, May 29, 2010

A Manly Manya

After his girl ditched him or so, Surender was singing depressing songs like My love is gone and so on. But the security guard at the office informed his colleague Manya that he was into more worse things. The guard talked about the occult cult that surendar had joined which met at the Mukhyaprana temple. That made Manya want to check out the cult. But security guard informed that the organisation was a taliban-like and entry was restricted to men.So Manya said with a smile, "MAKE ME A MAN"
The dresser and make up artist in the guard suddenly came to life and in minutes Manya looked like a beautiful man but guard was not satisfied as he looked at her from head to toe, "There doesn't seem to be a balance" And with a pillow upon which he rested during his nite duties, woh kami bhi poori hogayi. Now she looked like a big stomach wala marwadi businessMAN
Then as she entered she found the speaker addressing the crowd, "Its better to die at the hands of a cruel murderer than to be in the dreams of a lustful woman" Manya looked at the speaker and commented to the Guard, "With that goats beard and wild hair where birds can nest and those shabby clothes, he can't be in any girl's dreams" The speaker went on to introduce new members and came to Surendar and asked him how women had ruined his life. Manya quickly understood what the cult stood for and what was its objectives.

Surender, "I am deeply madly truly in love with this girl.. But she is not expressing herself..."
The Speaker spoke to the entire audience with bitterness against the girls, "That's the problem with girls.. All that we do in our life is for girls. Young boys iron their clothes so that girls can fall into their traps. But girls never even by mistake speak their hearts out...they just play around as if our heart is a toy for them..."
Manya had to speak her heart out and she did but with a modulated voice, "Arre yaar.. See the logic... Girls don't first speak their heart out. Boys need to express strongly and confidently... Have you done it... Mr Surender"

Surendar failed to recognize his colleague Manya, "I have already spoken my heart out... Laid my proposal before her...She has not yet come with a Yes or No..."
The speaker intervened and gave the message to the whole crowd, "If she says Yes, you will die from happiness.. If she says No, you will die from heartbreak.. It will not make a difference... does it?"
Manya felt like throwing her sandal at the speaker, but tried to impress upon her colleague in a manly voice, "All the problems in the world can be traced to saying YES too quickly or NO too late... She needs time and she needs to have trust..."

Surender was liking more of Manya's thoughts, "But she has put me through so many tests and tribulations. Cant I know the results now?"
The speaker filled in, "Even The CAT or CET exams has less rounds of test... She may test you before marriage... After marriage she will put you to more tests... Mind you, All Boys! This is gonna be a never ending saga with the girls"
Manya explained a girls thoughts, "She is putting her entire life in your trust. She is leaving her home to become one with you. She wants to know what level you love her and bear with her. Tomorrow if something goes wrong after she comes to you, she has no where to go.. Think... Boy! If you love her truly, madly and deeply as you declared earlier, you will be able to think from her angle...":

Now that really made Surendar think. This was a threatening move for the cult and suddenly the speaker asked his new members to raise their right hand and take their vows. Surendar didn't raise his hand as he found more weight in Manya's words than the speaker's, "I prefer to follow in the path shown by that young boy..."
Manya decided to put an end to the drama as she took the pillow and gave it to the security guard, "This looks best when your head is rested on it" and removed the false mustache and also dropped her hair down though they were not so long. As the crowd looked at her, she declared, "It may take hundred men to make a camp, but it takes one woman to make a happy home. All the good boys, here. Give it a thought!"
When a girl speaks, boys listen. So as Manya walked out along with the security guard and Surendar, she had a small crowd of boys following her.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

No One for the Evening Walk!

"Oh My God!" came the shriek from Preetham's house. It was Seema's voice. Her Mother in law came running towards her room. When she enquired as to what happened, Seema replied with concern, "Look at your son's belly! Fat has started accumulating." But dear husband Preetham tried to ignore it, "Come on... You know what they say in the west... It is just a sign of prosperity." Seema became more vociferous, "Prosperity! My Foot! It is a sign of laziness" and she tapped gently on the stomach. Her child Prerana followed her mother's example and in few minutes the baby was practising tabla.

Seema also had the solution "This problem needs to be nipped in the bud.You spend too much time lazing in front ot the computer." and then she issued directions, " Now that there is less work at office, You can come down early and we will go for a evening walk from 5.30 to 6.30" Preetham's mother immediately objected, "Not that time! Its the time when most of the ladies venture out of their dens and start using their strongest weapon... the tongue... Buri Nazar pad sakthi hain...on my dear son... I will not allow it..."
Preetham smiled which irritated Seema more and she said, "Well! Dear MIL, I have a idea to protect your son from bad and roving eyes.We will dress him in a burkha covered from top to bottom with openings only near the eyes... Howzthat!!!"

Seeing her MIL's eyes becoming red with anger, Seema immediately went for a time change, "I hope you wouldn't object for the evening timing of 6.30 to 7.30" This time, instead of the mother, the son himself objected to it, "Its the twilight time... Its the time for the mind to focus on God....It would not be right for me to go for walk during that time..."Seema was getting crazy hearing all kinds of excuses, "Hmm... If you so can't live without your God, you should have married him." Mother in law gave a shocked look and Seema thought that her MIL was shouting 'Sacrilege' in her mind but MIL politely advised,"How about visiting that Ganesh temple? It will serve twin purposes - Walking as well as Darshan of the almighty" Seema congragulated her Mother in law,"You are great! If we go to the temple, Your Son will not come out of the temple without having that delicious prasadam (appam) dipped in shuddh ghee"

Seeing her DIL put her head down, Mother in law gave another suggestion and tried to finish off the discussion, "I think no one would object for 7.30 to 8.30." Seema was silent from which it was clear that she didn't consent to the time.Preetham himself talked for her, "If ladies went for walk during that time, television networks all around India would lose a big chunk of advertising revenue.For the sake of Indian's economy, It is better ladies stayed inside their homes during that time "

Seema smiled, "Then we are left with no option except go for a walk after the dinner... i.e 9.30 to 10.30"
Preetham agreed, "And that would be a romantic one too... With no one on the streets and with moon light following us and stars spread across the sky.... It reminds me of Raj Kumar and Nargis walking down the lane and singing Pyar hua iqraar hua"
Seema' s mother in law interrupted the romantic moment, "Hello! You both are forgetting that there is another member in your small family... Prerana, your baby... who will put her to sleep"
Prerana decided to speak for herself and slowly she crawled towards her grandma
Seeing this, Seema mischievously commented supporting her daughter's move, "Why else then do we have old ladies at home for?"

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Some Serious Discussion on Love

Lots of noise made Preetham's mother come out of the pooja room. As she looked towards the bed room, she found Preetham and Seema trying to console their weeping baby girl Prerana. And then she turned her eyes towards the living room to find Riya, her thirteen year old neighbor enjoying a harry potter movie on the idiot box with Deepak, fourteen year old nephew of Preetham. The old lady switched off the telly much to the disappointment of the kids and shooed them off to the garden. She also joined them and advised, "Don't waste your evening in the front of the idiot box. Do some thing creative or talk something productive"

Deepak looked around and saw a young man standing near a gate and watch a girl come down that lane and exclaimed, "Isn't that surprising. There are more than billion people in this world and only one is meant special for you. What is that about this thing called love and what's going through that young man's mind?"
Riya gave a smile and remembered something which she had heard or read, "Every boy wishes his love to be like a volleyball. When he says MINE, he wants everyone to back off, and the girl like the ball in the game should be... his.. That's the feeling that boy over there is going through" Granny was very angry at Deepak for corrupting the young girl with such questions, "You could have observed those kittens playing with their mummy or that young kid trying to learn the bicycle. But you choose to study that cupid struck guy?m You worth-for-nothing!"

Deepak was not listening as he had more questions, "But is this love? Waiting for someone get down from the bus and watch them keep those gentle steps towards their home?" Riya was enjoying sharing her knowledge, "It may not be. It may be just lust. Lust and love are not the one and the same. Lust may be the beginning of the love. But it may last for Eternity. May be that's the reason Love begins with L and ends with E." The old lady was surprised on hearing such great thoughts from such small brain, "The convent school you go to has a head master who is a priest and most of the teachers are sisters. Where did you learn all these, young girl?"

Riya just gave another of her sweet smile instead of answering the question. There was another surprise waiting for the old lady. Suddenly, out of the blue, Deepak announced, "I think I am falling in Love with you, Riya?" But Riya took it lightly as she gently questioned, "And may i know as to what is that in me that you love?" Deepak answered confidently, "You are so cute..." Riya thrashed it, "That's just attraction, not love..." Deepak continued "and you are intelligent..." Riya negated that one too, "That's just admiration and will not last long..." But Deepak didn't stop, "When you walk alone on the street, I want to give you a lift on my bicycle.." Riya was ready with the answer, "That's just compassion and nothing else.." Deepak laughed, "And why don't I have that compassion for this old lady here?"

That angered Preetham's mother and she ran inside the house probably to get something to smack the young boy. While she was gone, Riya explained in simple words, "Love has no reasons whatsoever...It just happens" As Deepak was pondering on the lines, Granny came with a big cane and seeing that Deepak started running away. The Old Lady was successful in driving the young boy. But she saw Riya looking furiously at her which prompted her to ask, "What's wrong with You? Why are you looking at me like that?" Riya answered a bit harshly, "You drove away my prospective husband!!!!

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Boys say NO too!

Preetham was early to home that friday evening. It was not unusual of him. But instead of finding his wife Seema welcoming him, he found a young lady waiting for his wife Seema and watching the movie Wake Up Sid. The scene being played was the one where Ayesha rejects Sid's proposal in a cool manner, "I think this will hurt you... But You are immature and childish..You are just a kid... You are the wrong profile for me..."
Preetham tried to start the conversation taking this topic, "The girls can so easily be cruel when it comes to rejecting a boy's proposal... " The lady turned towards Preetham and answered sternly without even introducing herself, "Its not only the fairer sex that rejects. You Guys do that too and that hurts too..."
Preetham was not willing to agree easily, "Its only ladies who reject proposals without any emotions. Men have a sensitive mind that very well understands a woman's heart"

That really pissed off the lady, but she maintained her composure,"I need to put my own life story to make you understand. But I do feel You are just arguing for the sake of argument..." But the lady started her story, "In DDLJ, Simran met her first love in a train. But I was not that lucky. My first love happened in a public transport system and that too a jam packed bus. He used to commute in the same bus and I used to hold the books for him. He gave me a look that told me he desired me. But some days later, he stopped handing me the books for custody and he didn't cross the foot board too. I made up my mind and declared my love..." And then the lady sarcastically remarked, "the guy with the sensitive mind rejected giving a sensible reason, 'You are my best friend's sister. I don't want to hurt my friend'" Preetham found a positive note, "I think you are lucky... He seemed a gay who liked your brother more than you."

That brought a smile on the lady's face as she told her further rejected proposals, "Then I went for graduation. Till then, I thought cell phone was meant for communication. Then I learn t that in the hands of youngsters, its real use is giving missed calls, messaging sweet nothings and playing pranks. I too played mischief with this good looking, studious guy. And without myself knowing, I fell in love once again. Strange was the guy as he told me that he needed a day's time to think about it. I never even in my dreams thought that he would send his mother to me. She brought the religion issue and begged me to forget her son. I replied her 'Like a kangaroo, carry your son everywhere in the pouch'. Some guys, no matter how old they are, they always remain mamma's boys" Preetham remembered how his wife teased him using that word.

Not waiting for Preetham to react, the lady continued "But this heart never gives up. A hope is always there. And When I meet this guy online, he gave me the feeling two hearts can be one, even if lips don't lock themselves together or there is no holding of hands together. That's when I came to know that mind is a more erotic organ. I proposed to him, 'I don't want to be friends.. I have already been in love.. So, Marry Me' But he ridiculed about it and I decided to make him feel my absence for some days. But that ego proved costly as he tried to do something stupid like taking his own life in my absence. Later he realized that relationships are just illusions and life is not just about love. He has not forgotten me, But he doesn't want to be further attached to me. A good boy was snatched from me...."

Preetham had lots of questions to ask on this one, but he tried to console her, "When GOD takes away somethng from ur hand, dont think he is punishing u..he is merely emptying ur hand for u to receive something better!!" But the girl was getting emotional and his wife made her entry and questioned her husband seeing the girl's eyes wet, "What have you done to my good friend?" The lady excused herself, "Nothing. I was revisiting the memory lane and it brought tears." Seema immediately introduced her friend to her husband, "By the way, She is Simran, she writes for the local magazine...." Simran remembered the purpose of her visit, "I was doing a article on Platonic relationship with men and I came to talk on this one..." and she continued, "I have come to the conclusion, Its kind of difficult to have a platonic relationship with men. All of them would have some kind of interest in the woman they befriend..." and after a pause she continued, "Even Happily married men too. What do you say?"

Saturday, May 1, 2010

We will not let you go!

Manya is asked by her senior Preetham to do a exit interview of Surendar. Manya is thrilled to do this pleasing task of asking a employee as to why he wants to become a ex employee. But her senior Preetham had given the task with the condition that she should involve some senior member. Manya did the unexpected and took the aged security guard with her. Preetham had failed to give the parameters that defined senior member.

Manya didn't take much time to come to the question, "Why do you want to leave this esteemed organization?" Surendar with a glee on his face replied, "I am planning to get married!" The security guard checked the application papers of Surendar and then answered the inquiring question of Manya, "I was just checking the gender. Usually girls come up with this answer na" Surendar with a blunt face retorted, "I am leaving because I want to be with my Girlfriend and she is in a far-off metro"

Manya like a HR executive tried to understand him, "But why do you want to leave your hometown?" Surendar replied in a filmy style, "When people in love are willing to leave this world for their dear ones, Why can't I leave my hometown?" and he also added, "This place doesn't provide opportunities for her to come up in her career" Manya couldn't digest the answer, "Mixing career with romance is like..." As she was searching for the words, the old security guard said, "Like water with whiskey"
But Surendar had his heart set on shifting the base, "But my boss wouldn't sit besides me when I am sick...I cannot take my finance head with me to the movies or the temple on the weekends... Its the family that comes first na." The security guard was laughing, "You are becoming too emotional! No one should take decisions by becoming emotional."

Surendar wanted to show some logical reasons, "She can't adjust to this hot weather and the beat of this small town." Manya answered that one quickly, "With global warming reaching every nook and corner of the world, no metro would be spared. And then coming to the beat... I think she would be more concerned with the beat of your heart rather than the beat of the town." The old man also commented, "Her town may keep her cool. But the real cool is in the mind. If you want to get your body cooled off, there are so many ways - Get an AC, Switch on the fans, Open the doors of refreigerator or still better ' ja kar nalli ke neeche beth ja'!!!"

But that hurt Surendar. Seeing it, the old man got serious and quoted, "A girl who cares for her guy like a child and a guy who respects the girl like his mom are the only kind of people whose love will be the purest and most sincere one." Manya smiled at that one and added her thoughts, "And it is difficult for a child to adjust to a new location... So the mom should come down here na"
That confused Surendar and he looked up to the two to help him out. So Manya did the unexpected. She opened the laptop and logged on the net. Surendar thought she was googling for the solution. But then she finished her online task and declared, "There! We should take the help of our colleagues not only in coding and decoding our programs, but also in decoding life's problems.I have mailed your predicament to all the company employees. They will help you out" That sentence made Surendar put both his hands on his head, "You made my love story public,you silly girl!!!" That's when Preetham entered and asked Surendar, "So any change in your decision" Surendar surprised everyone with the answer, "Yeah.. I thought of quitting after a month. Now I have decided to quit in a week"
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Edhey Thumbi Haaduvenu by CA Suresh Kumar is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.
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