Sunday, May 29, 2011

The Golden Balloon

However busy one is, one needs to take time out to celebrate his good friend's birthday. Yups! It was Swats birthday and wasn't she delighted to see her elder friend Prads waiting for her outside the campus waiting for the classes to get over.
The birthday girl made her way out of the campus along with Jeevitha (Jeevs).

She asked Prads, what every birthday girl would normally ask, "Where is my birthday gift?" Prads smiled, "Tell me what do you want and I will get it for you. But don't ask me for the moon or Rahul Dravid. " Just then a colorful van whizzed passed them up and the van contained all types of balloons and Swats,like Sita Mata spoke, "Wow! what a colorful balloon. I have never seen such a golden balloon. Pradhyumna! I want that golden balloon as my gift..."

Prads got into action and jump started his bike just to be stopped by Jeevs as she spoke some philosophical nonsense, "Its all Maya...Illusion. Can't you see! Like Sita fell for the maya of the golden deer, so is this great lady here... falling for the maya of the golden baloon. She sent her husband Lord Ram and rest is history... "
Swats shouted at her friend Jeevs, "He is not Lord Ram and you are not Lucky Singh either... " Swats didn't complain about her being compared to Sita because she knew Sita was very beautiful. Swats turned to Prads, "What are you waiting for! Its normal for Jeevs to get jealous on seeing a boy like you doing anything for me...."

Prads went behind the Golden balloon not wanting to be sandwiched between these two girls. As he went around the turn some yards away and disappeared from their eyesight, they heard a thud sound and a shriek from Prads.
Swats got a lump in her throat as Jeevs joked, "Seems like that he has been wasted"
Swats gave a frantic call, "Start your vehicle...lets go find him now..."
Jeevs laughed, "Its hardly that distance. Go walking and find for yourself. Nautanki math kar...."

Swats shows her golden feet,"I am wearing golden heels re.. Those balloons had a matching color. That's why I insisted them... I can't run, baby!..."
Jeevs thought Swats was acting too smart and she spoke in the 'ramayana spirit' "I am not leaving you alone in this college ashram..."
Swats wanted to bash her, "Seems... you are possessed by your dead granny's spirit. I know there are many ravans here. They have just one head, but they look as though they have twenty eyes. But I can take care of myself..."

Jeevs refused to leave the place nor allowed her vehicle to be touched by Swats. Swats lost her cool and shouted, "If you don't do something now to help my friend out, I will throw these heels at your face"
Jeevs laughed, "If you can remove the heels to do a act of violence like hitting me why can't you remove it and run down the street and find for yourself what happened to Prads?"
Without waiting for Swats to answer, "I will tell you why you will not do like that. You have lost the power to make proper decisions. That has happened because your Buddhi(thinking) has become brasth (corrupt). And your buddhi became brasth because you got krodh (angry). And you got angry, because you had kaam (desire). And you got Kaam because of Sangham (Proximity)...."
It was the height of puranic overdose and without thinking further, Swats took her heels and flung it at Jeevs who was had stepped two steps back. Jeevs ducked and escaped from being hit. But Poor Prads with bruised feet who had made it to the campus gate was hit by the heels in his right eye"

A crowd gathered to see what was happening and the college principal came down asking for an explanation. Prads didn't know what to say and very stupidly handed the baloon to Swats and said, " MANY MANY HAPPY RETURNS OF THE DAY"

Sunday, May 8, 2011

The Swayamvar

Swats or Swasthee got bored waiting for the pooja at the temple and asked her elder friend Pradhyumna or Prad, who had forced her to come there to tell her a pucca time-pass story. Prads thought that a mythological story would suit the situation. But she wanted something futuristic. So Prads smiled and decides to convert the mythological story he had selected into a story of Swats herself from the pages of her future life,
"It was Swats' 24th birthday and her father has arranged for her swamayamvar. Who's who of India were there. IPL superstars. Bollywood heroes. Indian Idol singers. Even the Gods in the heaven wanted to attend the swayamvar after hearing about her beauty. But sage Narad, the heavenly wanderer of the seven worlds told them that the girl had already selected a simple human soul as her life partner and the garland would be put around his necks
Her selection looked like a mixture of Harry Potter and Abhishek... only difference is he didn't had a wand and he was not a flop show. And his name was Rahul.But the Gods became jealous and Lord Varun said "He may have cast his spells, but we too have some tricks in our bags..." and Lord Vayu added "and he may be lucky till now. But not any more."
The four gods decide to make her choice very difficult by participating n the Swayamvar by taking on Rahul's appearance. When Swasthee came to the stage with the garland in her hands, she found five rahuls to her surprise. And she was not Draupadi to select five men as her husbands.Swayamvars usually had a MC who would introduce the eligible bridegrooms. For this swayamvar, Goddess Saraswathi was herself the MC. And Swats looked towards her for help. Saraswathi had a tough task on her hand. Being a Goddess, she cant allow the Gods lie to be caught because of her and at the same time, being a woman, she didn't want to do injustice to Swats.

The four gods are Agni, Vayu, Indra and Varuna. Saraswathi introduced the first guy, I mean, the first Lord, Lord Agni "This guy is Rahul....Rahul Number 1...He is from the City of Gods i.e Kerala and a doctor by profession. When he keeps his stethoscope on young girls heart, their heart beats stop... And yes, he loves idlis....."
Saraswathi was stressing on the word idli and Swats immediately ordered idlis. The white idlis when it went into mouth of the fire god, it automatically became Black.
Swats said, "Are you eating idlis or black coal?" And she said without thinking she was talking to a God, "You are fired..."

Next Rahul was the cool Lord Varun, the lord of rains. "This is Rahul... Rahul number 2... doesn't he look really cool?"
Swats listened carefully and read between the lines and guessed that this guy was also a impostor and said, "You look cool with a pretty face.But you could be fool with a dirty mind.How to know your mind is beautiful?... my psychiatrist friend once said that a person with a good mind would have really nice handwriting. Would you write a prem-pathr addressed to me?"
The rain-god didn't foresee the trick and fell for it. Swats ordered paper and pen and as soon Lord Varun touched the paper,it became wet.
Swats smiled, "I knew kids who wetted their pants with fear...I muss say dude you sweat buckets...."

Now Goddess Saraswathi came to the third Rahul.. Lord Vayu... The Air god., "Here is Rahul... Rahul number three.... is he your rahul? The one whose name you want to write in every breath of yours.... "
Swats guessed it and without shyness declared, "Gosh! I am sure you are mine and I want to feel you in my arms before I garland you."
Lord Vayu was not prepared for this when Swats suddenly embraced her in front of everyone and.... did she feel anything???. She felt nothing...only emptiness because air has no substance, "Wow! You are so light weight....Damn! You just got dissolved in ma arms.Don't you think you are a bit too romantic? I need someone realistic......."

Next in line was Lord Indra, God of the heavens. Goddess Saraswathi herself didn't like Indra. Indra was known for roving eyes and earlier had been known for trapping wives of rishis when they were not at home,"This guy is Rahul... Rahul number four... He may have seen many girls, but once his eyes fell on you, he has not seen any other girls.. Bring any apsara before him and he will not be tempted..."
Swats got the message, "You mean he has his indriyas under his control. So all the apsaras of the heaven like Rambha, Menaka and Thilothamma won't have any effect on him.." she deliberately missed one apsara.
So Indra spoke out without even thinking, "You missed my favorite one... Urvashi..."
Swats gracefully told him, "O Lord! You might get many other. But I need a one woman man"
All the gods made their exit after praising Swats for her intelligence and giving her their blessings...
Swats then looked at the real Rahul and said...."I always knew you are the one. From the time I saw this shyness of yours I fell for u. People could copy your looks but not your innocence..."
Suddenly the prayer bells rang and everyone was called for pooja and Swats had only one wish, "Oh God! Make this story come true in the least some parts..."

(Adapted from Damayanthi Swayamvar appearing in the Mahabharatha)

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Till Death do us apart... Can it?

"Some people never grow up.. As a kid, they have this ability of conjuring false stories around them.. And they keep holding on to it, even after they have grown up" ,said Pradhyumna to his young friend Swasthee. Swats was surprised and she queried, "Whom are you refering to..."
Prads didn't had to answer. All he did was point his finger at the cafe's entrance. There was Spandana, Swats good friend. Though she was intelligent, it seemed that she just told hard to believe real life experiences. And that day also she had a tale to tell.

Swats tried to make the environment a bit romantic and broached up a topic, "I love the atmosphere at the cafe. There are so many beautiful pairs.They seem to be made for each other..."
Prads rebuked the statement, "There is no such thing as 'made for each other'.All of them are 'mad for each other'. And you just can't say by looking at them that they are made for each other. You have to see their entire life as to how they live their life for each other"
Spandana agreed on that one, "That reminds me of my uncle Sudeep and his wife Ragini..."

Prads just smiled and whispered to Swats, "Shatabdhi express suro hogayii..." And no one dared to stop Spandana, "My aunt Ragini and uncle Sudeep came to the big bad city some five years back to settle down after they got married. Uncle Sudeep had got a job in the RTO. They were looking for a home to be called their own." As if to irritate Prads, Spandana broke into a song, "Do deewane sheher mein... abudhana dhoondthe hain." Prads chose to remain silent after observing her very long polished nails.
Spandana's story suddenly turned mysterious after the song, "At the first house,my uncle experienced something very strange. He felt as if he was being smocked by some invisible forces. He felt it hard to breath.My uncle felt some extreme heat inside the building. The broker got them out of the apartment and into the open air..."
Prads had to comment, "May be... he got the premonition of his wife choking him to death on his failure to gift her on their first wedding anniversary"

Spandana was totally absorbed in the story, "A minute after they walked out of the apartment, the whole apartment went up in flames. The broker was shocked and thanked my uncle for saving his life and also commented, 'You are gifted and able to foresee the danger...' But my uncle thought otherwise and said that it was just a coincidence."
Prads smiled at the way she was building up the story, "And you too are gifted...."

Spandana continued her 'real' story, "If a strange thing happens once, it should happen again. So it did...My aunt and uncle were showed another apartment which was still at the construction stage...And this time my uncle felt something sharp and heavy fall on his head and that too from great heights. There was no injury marks, but my uncle just couldn't explain the pain he was going through. They took him to a side tea stall. Before even they could take a sip of their tea, they heard a deafening sound. They looked across the road and saw that a huge pane of glass which was being lifted by a crane to be fixed on the eleventh floor fell onto the ground crushing some bystanders"
Prads. criticized Spandana's story, "Are you are just telling the story to entertain us? or does it really have anything to do with the statement 'Made for each other'?"

Spandana cleared her thought, "Listen completely!!! My Uncle thought that this was far more than premonition. His mind started giving him crazy ideas. He got the feeling that maybe death was after him.If this went on, then his life would be hell and so would be the life of his dear wife ragini who has to bear with it all."
Prads knew the next part, "And so he decided to make the sacrifice and leave his wife... Love triangle hain kya? I mean... tumhare aunt ka koi purana boyfirend tha..."
Spandana, "No! For her uncle was the world.. But my uncle refused and left her and started staying alone.And then one day he got the news that his wife has met with an accident and was in a critical condition. He immediately run to the hospital. There he saw a blackish apparition that no one else present there were able to see...It was death himself... And it talked to my uncle..."

Prads couldn't control himself laughing, "Spandana! Thank you very much. Though I am thirty two, many say I just look like sixteen years. You must have taken them seriously"
Spandana was more focused on the climax of her story "Death like any typical bollywood villain had to tell my uncle his scheme, 'You are such a fool... I was always after your wife... but because of your selfless love, your soul was able to foresee the danger and save her life every time I came close to her... but your mind ditched you completely by depicting the picture that you could bring her some harm... and you believed it and deserted your wife making my job very easy...Why can't u be like that hero who said 'Ek baar jo maine commitment kar diĆ¢...uske baad toh main khud ki bhi nahin sunta!' You shouldn't have listened to yourself"
Prads laughed and slowly whispered to Swats, "The movie 'Wanted' released just a year far as I know"
Spandana didn't hear it as she had completely lost hold of the real word "Just then doctor came in and with a dull face showered the bad news to my uncle that Ragini was showing unexpected changes in her health conditions and it was impossible to treat her. At that time my uncle began to experience some changes in health and he got suddenly ill and started sweating profusely as if his blood pressure rose...My Uncle maintained his pose and said to the doctor, "Gosh! Please put me on observation... by observing me, you will know what dangers await her in advance and accordingly you can treat her. As you have no other alternative, you need to agree on this one"
Prads started loving the crazy story, "And the rational doctor believed it and started treating Ragini by observing changes in your uncle . Must be first such case in medical history ..."
Spandana smiled, "Yes... and then they saved her... Death put his tail between his legs and departed from the scene..."
Swats put an end to the story ,"And they lived happily till death did them apart...
err I mean.. It can't..."

Prads paid the bill and prepared to leave, "Spandana, I don't know what you will become in life. But one thing is for sure.. U will be a great mother who will put her kids to bed very easily with some very 'real life experiences'"
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Edhey Thumbi Haaduvenu by CA Suresh Kumar is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.
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