Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Crime and Punishment

The bounty hunter did as he was instructed. He had completed the assignment and was bringing the catch. Usually he caught Hi-fi criminals like embezzling accountants, computer hackers etc. This time around, the catch or the trash (as the bounty hunter likes to call them) was a guy who had mishandled girls at a restaurant in the name of protecting heritage and tradition of India. The delivery was to be done to a stadium which the bounty hunter never knew ever existed. He was also instructed to tie the trash to a cross which was erected in the center of the stadium. The guy was not to be crucified.

The arena looked like something from the erstwhile Roman empire. As soon as he tied the trash to the cross and connected him with mikes, the floodlights came up. The stadium suddenly got noisy. The bounty hunter looked around and he saw thousands of girls all around the stadium. They have not come to see a rock performance nor Johny Abraham tear his shirts. They wanted to punish the trash and teach the so called protectors of heritage. The stadium was full house.

Then there was an announcement, "Welcome to the crowd. Welcome, Mr Heritage Protector. The crowd here has gathered to get some answers from you...." It was Simran, the organizer of the event. It was she who had hired the bounty hunter to deliver the 'Heritage Protector'.
The 'Heritage Protector' just yelled at them all, "You will never be able to grasp the situation. As a human being and being a man brought up by traditions, I can't stand acts of indecency. Its the reason we charged on that building where guys and girls drank liquor and were behaving in a obscene manner."
One of the girls shouted at him , "Bull shit! If you really want to take up such a cause, go and target those video shops which rent out unrated movies"
Another girl corrected her "I bet you. If you search him, you will find the membership card of such a library. "

The trash was not the one to be silenced, "Its the influence of the western culture that has to be prevented. We are the upholders of our tradition and culture. We are the soldiers of Ram's Army!"
One of the girls just takes a good look at him and says, "Yeah! During that period and even now, Ram's Army seems to consist of only monkeys..."
The other girl continued, "At least those monkeys had some respect for the ladies.... these doesn't seem to have any..."

Simran didn't want to further delay the action, "Lets not waste time on his stupid beliefs and theories. Its not the stage for him to promote himself. Lets think of the way we can punish him. "
Many girls had beautiful suggestions.... 'Lets make him strip dance in that same place', came one suggestion, while another, 'Lets be a little nice and send him to guantanamo bay where he can enjoy the company of like minded people'

But Simran had big plans, "Lets not give him silly punishments. We need to give him, such a deadly punishment that he and his comrades will never forget. At the same time, we are known to be the fair sex filled with lovely emotions. Lets live up to that one. A lovely thought came to me when I read Colleen McCullough's The Thorn Birds..."
Everybody listened with full ears as Simran's tone changed a bit, "She has said about a legend of a thorn bird which impales itself upon the longest sharpest spine and lets out its one and only superlative song before it dies. This guy is not a thorn bird or nor with such a great heart. But Lets make him experience some extreme pain. Lets tie him around such a savage tree with his favorite robe and allow the sharp long spines to penetrate deep into him and slowly suck his blood away. Let him experience some real physical pain." All votes went for that treatment and the stage was set for the execution.

The bounty hunter just took out his dairy and marked it as the day to be remembered in his 20 years career as bounty hunter. This trash turned out to be the best catch he ever had.

As the bounty hunter closed his dairy, so did the editor finished her reading. She was reading the above story submitted by Simran for her magazine. The editor after thinking a bit shook her head, "Can't publish this." Disappointed Simran looked at the blunt face of the editor looking for some good reasons for rejection. The lady editor was still shaking her heads as she answered, "This will hurt the sentiments of male readers of the magazine."
For some seconds there was silence. Then both of them laughed together. The story was for a leading women's magazine.

6 comments:

Keshi said...

but even Men read Womens' mags :)

Keshi.

Dawn....सेहर said...

wow!!! I liked the way the story was narrated...and the end climax too :)
But yes, I have to agree with Keshi .. :)
Cheers dear

www.fizadawn.com

moi said...

what an ending!!! from where do you get such ideas....thanks for bringing simran back :)

Charmed One! said...

Real good ending :) !!
Yeah men are more curious to read womens magazine..
Btw I thought exactly the same that Ram's sena consisted of monkeys.. but helpful good ones..
these are more like donkeys.. jobless and destroyers of peace in society...

Tara said...

Very very good! Brilliant ending! Good job there, and good to see Simran back! :)

Suresh Kumar said...

@ Keshi
I don't deny it. Unlike men's magazine, women's magazine are too colorful na :)

@ Dawn
Thx... and your new adda is very good.

@ Moi
**from where do you get such ideas**
by looking around

@ Charmed One
very well said about those monkeys...err... donkeys

@ Tara
Thank u

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Edhey Thumbi Haaduvenu by CA Suresh Kumar is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.
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